Not because I’m no longer Katie But because I wish not to hate me Katie will always remain inside Sleeping until it’s safe to unhide A past with that name is painful you see Filled with memories you may not believe The name I was given at birth was Kathryn The child un-stabbed by life’s long javeline Kathryn is strong, she brings the reigns To keep in check those previous pains This me is true to herself and grieves Embracing the darkness that never leaves To you, I may be a little stran

There it is again Slowly creeping in Lingering in the depths of my mind That feeling I know it too well Yet not at all I’ve felt it before But never like this That feeling It’s never the same And always remains Like birth and death everyday It speaks to me And I talk back Without understanding I’m frozen Hello, my dear You’re in the dark I’ve seen this before That feeling.

Vampires are real We see them every day Watching, waiting, lurking Draining light from your soul Vampires are here But not how you’re thinking These vampires, I say, are just human beings Clinging to you to feed a hunger Vampires are dangerous and never quite satisfied yet they're not unstoppable They'll be their un-doing Vampires are people just like you and me the people who drain your lively bright energy

They say it’s fuel As my stomachs full The hunger is gone But the cravings begun The urge for the empty No matter how petty Tears at my brain Driving me insane I say it’s ok But the end of the day I’ve lost all control Of an unhealthy soul Longing to purge To release the urge Pray for restriction With tomorrow’s conviction It’s never enough But call my bluff it’s always so tempting Feeling the empty

I feel the ants They’re crawling quickly A wave of heat Feeling prickly My chest tightens Is this death? The air thickens I can’t breathe This rush of feeling Came so quick My lifeline is reeling Someone save me My breath gets faster But I can’t get air Joints lock up Face is numb... ...Is this death?

I feel it coming Must be something The tightness, the fear My mind holds dear At first it’s easy A little deep breathing But wait, what’s this? Somethings amiss My heart is racing Mind starts pacing Intrusive, these thoughts And stomach in knots Hands begin sweating Is this a safe setting? Frozen by dread Stuck in my head Breath in, breath out NO, you must shout Everything is alright NO, feel the fright Don’t worry, calm down You’ll look like a clown But death draws near And no

You were never there To lend an ear So I’ll open mine For all who need it You were never there To hold my hand So I’ll extend mine With fear of losing You were never there To heal my heart So I’ll wear it on my sleeve And heal others You were never there When I hurt inside So I’ll be there Ready To understand You were never there but you don’t remember because now I'm here and now I see

There’s always that feeling Of dread...it's there… and I stare at the mirror It’s never been clearer The one that I see Isn't staring back at me looking to the floor and I wonder The weight I’m left under... Will it dissipate? Fade to memory? Even when it tethers me Holds me down so forcefully Unable to really see The difference from that little lady To that frenzied being feeling crazy From a pain inside Even when the doctors tried To save my mind I’m going blind Where am I? Do I try?

There once was a girl in a far away place Who came from a world of spirit and grace Alas, twas a dream and only imagined Soon she will wake like nothing has happened Each day like the last, as is deemed fit Working her soul away in the pit The pit of her mind that delves deep below A cavernous path through which she must go She truly worked hard to ensure a safe path Into the darkness prepared for the wrath However it seems, she couldn’t have known The work needing done while being alone

Here we go, yet again Another day, when’s it end? Waking up with more to do I just can’t help but feel this blue Another day, another dollar Maybe money makes you taller? Plug and chug the next to do Don’t hear the cries that come from you Every day is all the same Trapped within this lively game I’m running low on fuel it seems just keep going, by all means I just can’t take another day There’s gotta be another way